So I’ve decided to keep a records of my collegue (or “boss”) and his strange ways, because it may make for an entertaining read. Perhaps I’ll even be able to sneak in a few photos of the plump white haired chap for your enjoyment. Or maybe not. I’m not James Bond for God’s sake. I wanted this blog to be entitled ‘The Blog of David’ because it sounds vaguely biblical, and sounds almost as monumental and wise as Dave thinks he is. However someone else already took that title, so instead it’ll be called ‘David’s Dits’, with the word dit being the Naval term for story of tale. We’re on a Naval base you see.

It’s only 11.33am, and already David has spun a glorious dit for the pleasure of all those close enough to hear it (this is everyone in the building and most people immediately outside also). So there he was, enrolling a young recruit onto a course to improve his Maths skills for his upcoming course, and Dave’s giving him the usual spiel about ‘what we’re trying to achieve’ through Learn Direct, and for once the victim is awake and seems genuinely interested. So David finally finds someone as enthusiastic about learning as he says he is, and what does he do? Interrupts this guy asking a GENUINELY VALID question to spin this dit;

D: “So there was this shepherd…”

VICTIM: “Basically I think if I get this work done today I think I’ll be ready to take the Numeracy exam tomorrow morning…” (he continues here and asks Dave a question about something or other. Dave ignores this).

D: “Yeah. So there was this shepherd, and he had a sheepdog that could talk. One morning the shepherd tells the sheepdog to go out and check on the sheep, just to check they’re all there. So the sheepdog goes out and does what he does, and he finally gets back to the shepherd and says ‘50’. The shepherd goes, ‘but I only bought 48 sheep’.

‘I know’, says the sheepdog, ‘I rounded them up’.”

The look of shock and bewilderment on the victim’s face is always priceless. David hasn’t farted or licked his lips at me yet today, but I’m almost certain that he will. Earlier he made his meaningless ‘brrrom pom pom” noise that drives me up the wall. I had to count to ten a few times.

Today’s ‘Music to Ignore David to’ (a.k.a.- what I listen to with my headphones to block him out), is Fionn Regan’s ‘The End of History’. It’s quite calming actually, so perfect for this purpose. He still can’t grasp that when my headphones are on I generally can’t hear him.




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